Week 35: How do you eat an Elephant

The first week of school is always the best of the year. It doesn’t matter if you’re a teacher, a student, or a member of the staff, that wondrous vibe of hope permeates the very walls of every schoolhouse from Miami to Maui, from Maine to Mount McKinley. Teachers were sure that this year would be better than the last. Students were excited to be with their friends again, and, in some cases, glad to be one year closer to getting out into the real world. 

This feeling that anything was possible wafted through the air as Mr. Will Turner took roll for his first-period English IV class. He knew most of these kids as he called their names. For a few of them, he’d had their parents in class. A couple, he went to church with at Black Grass Baptist as well. This wasn’t where he thought he would be this time a year ago; retirement being snatched away from him by the Governor and all. But Mr. Turner was, if nothing else, a dedicated and outstanding teacher, ready to give his all to a new class of students. 

“All right, looks like we’re all here,” he said as he stood and walked to the smart board. “For those that don’t know, my name is Will Turner. This is my thirty-third year of teaching. I am looking forward to a great year with you all. We have some exciting things lined up for you. A few ‘right of passage’ things that some of you may enjoy, but you will most likely remember for the rest of your lives.” He walked his class through their syllabus, explaining research papers, Macbeth, personal essays, Beowulf, The Canterbury Tales, Graphic Novels, and other little tidbits he had in store for them for the year. 

“Now, are there any questions? Policies and procedures are in your packet, so please read over that.” He scanned the room, looking for puzzled faces. 

A hand shot up from the back of the class. It belonged to a lanky boy with sandy blonde shoulder length hair. “It says here we gotta write a fifteen page paper? They’re ain’t no way!” 

Mr. Turner grinned a half smile. “Dawson, right?” The teen nodded. “Dawson, I get that comment every year. Every class of every year. And I’m going to tell you what I tell everyone else. ‘How do you eat an elephant?’” He paused. 

The students started at him, blankly. 

“I’m serious. How do you eat an elephant?” 

There was a long pause. Finally, a chubby boy with bad skin sitting on the last row said “With you mouth?” Most of the class chuckled. Mr. Turner could see this student become a little uncomfortable, just for a moment. 

“You’re exactly right. The old saying is ‘How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!’ All that means is, no matter how big the job, you can get it done if you just take it one step at a time. If you all will notice, we are devoting six weeks of next semester to the writing of those papers. That’s thirty days of school, so if you average it out, I’m asking you to write half a page a day. That doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?” He could see some relief cross the faces of many of the students. “I’ll sweeten the deal. Dawson, what is your favorite thing in the world?” 

Dawson furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?” 

“Just what are you into? Music? Hunting? Movies? What do you like to do in your free time?” 

He scratched the side of his face. “I listen to a lot of metal music, I guess.”

Mr. Turner sent out a beaming smile. “See, that’s perfect. You can write about the history of Heavy Metal or a particular band. Maybe you want to learn more about a brand of guitar. My point is that I want you to pick a topic that you are interested in. Passionate about even. When you’re done, you should be the school expert on your topic. But that’s next semester. Let’s focus on what’s right in front of us.”

A dark skinned girl with glasses sitting in the far row raised her hand. “Mr. Turner, I know what a personal narrative is, but what is a Beowulf?” 

“Tasha?” The girl nodded. “Well, after doing this for a few years, I’ve found that it works pretty well when we link up a writing assignment with some literature. The curriculum map says we’re supposed to be looking at English Lit. this year and the first example of that we have is an epic poem called Beowulf. It’s about this warrior king who fights monsters. So, while we read it together, you guys will also write a story about a time when you fought a monster in your own life.”

He could see many faces tighten in confusion. “I know what you’re thinking, ‘I never fought a monster!’ right? Well, we’re gonna be a little more figurative with our definition of a monster. Did you ever stand up to a bully? Ever conquer a fear? Ever do something right when it would have been easier to do something wrong or even do nothing at all? These are all examples of you taking on a ‘monster’ of your own. That’s what we’re talking about.” The faces of many of his students loosened in signs of ease and understanding. 

The scene was similar for the next 7 hours as Mr. Turner explained how the year would go for the rest of his students. Lots of worry about research papers and wailing about the amount of work in front of them. But Will could already tell that, for the most part, this was going to be a pretty good group. 

After the last bell rang and the final students had dashed out of the classroom, Will finally had time to check his email. There he found two messages needing his immediate attention. 

RE: Inquiring on Teacher’s Union Rep Position

and 

RE: Status of Write-in Eligibility for Election

Will selected the top one first and read the email from the state teacher’s union. He had enquired about the current teacher representation from their region and found that they actually did not have one, so he wanted to see what it would take to nominate someone, namely himself.

Mr. Turner, 

Thank you for your interest in representing your district with the Kentucky Teacher’s Union. District 6, the area Peril County resides, has been without a representative since the retirement of a teacher in the Hazard School System last semester. The nominating period has been extended through the end of the month as no names have been submitted. If you would like to submit, please use the following link and complete the application. We appreciate your interest and are proud to serve education professionals of this great Commonwealth. 

Will was thrilled with this news and anxiously clicked on the quickly clicked on the second email, this one from the County Clerk, Greg Feltner. 

Will,

Good to hear from you. There are no limitations for you to run as a Write-In Candidate in our District for State Representative. You will just need to fill out a form and pay a $50 fee. As a friend, I will warn you that you would be getting in the race pretty late here. But you sound passionate about this and I know you don’t do anything rashly. Just pop by the courthouse if you decide to run. 

Another wave of excitement ran through Will. He quickly picked up the phone next to his computer and dialed his wife. “Hey hon, just heard back from the Teachers Union and Greg Feltner. Both look like they could be very doable if we want to jump in.”

“Oh, Will! That’s great. What are you gonna do?” She sounded almost as thrilled as Will.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Well, there’s not a current person in position for the union. But I don’t know who else might be running. And after the way our State Rep. voted on our retirement, I really want to get him out just on spite!”

“What’s his name again?”

Will pursed his lips and thought for a moment. “It’s Stewart Walker from over in Harlan County. He never comes over this way much, so I’ve only met him a time or two.”

“Real short, bald and fat?”

“That’s him.”

“I didn’t have much for him before he helped screw us out of retirement.”

“Well, he sure didn’t have much to say when we all reached out to him last spring. But Harlan County has more voters than we do. And they love him over there,” Will said, pondering what move to make next. 

“Yeah, but they got a lot a’ teachers, too!”

“I want to do the most good. Where do I have the best chance of making a difference?”

He could hear her smile through the phone. “Will, honey, you do good wherever you go. You know that. I say go for both. Either one you get, you’ll make a world of difference. If you get both, you’ll be worked to death, but it’ll be worth it. And if you get neither, then, shit, they didn’t deserve you, anyway.”

“Maybe you’re right,” was all he said. 

“I gotta get to a PLC meeting with the rest of the 5th grade teachers. Nothing like an after school meeting on the first damn day!” 

“Have fun. Love you!” 

“Love you too!” 

Will hung up the phone and swiveled in his chair, gently. Being a write-in candidate was a long shot, he knew. But Stewart Walker had voted to take away millions from every teacher in Kentucky. And two years was a long time to wait for another election to roll around. He’d have to get out and meet as many folks as he could in just 3 months. He turned back to his computer and looked up the total number of households in Harlan and Peril Counties. 

20,157

“How do you eat an elephant?” he said with a smile.