Week 47 - Couple’s COUNSELING

There are few things as important as family in these parts. Mamas and daddies do all they can to take care of their babies until they just can’t anymore; and then the babies, in their turn, take care of their mamas and daddies when the time comes. Cousins will fight like hell amongst one another. But if you cross just one of them, the whole holler will empty out for revenge. It’s always been that way in Peril County and the rest of this region. Sure, It’s not the perfect place to raise a family. Homes get broken apart just the same as they are everywhere. Moms and dads too dope sick to be responsible for their kids. Men and women frustrated with their lot in life taking out their anger on spouses or children. Husbands and wives forget their vows and stray from their marriage. Seems to happen more and more frequently these days.  

Luke Dobbs was as good a man as could be found in Black Grass, Kentucky. He was a hard worker with a good job that loved his wife and doted on his kids. He spent every spare moment and every spare dollar he had to make his family as happy and as healthy as he possibly could. And yet, he considered himself a failure. For only a failure would be sitting, alone, in the waiting room of a marriage councilor’s office, hoping his estranged wife would actually make the effort to show up. She was already fifteen minutes late. 

“Can I get you a glass of water?” the lady at the front desk asked. 

Luke shook his head. “Naw. I appreciate it.” He bit at a hangnail on his right hand, nervously. 

After another five minutes, Rita walked through the door. Her dark hair was cut much shorter from when Luke had seen her last. “This gonna take long?” she said, flippantly, as she sat across the waiting area from her husband. 

“Good to see you, Rita. Everything goin’ ok?” he asked, trying to engage any way he could. 

“Zander’s got strep and Hailey needs a haircut.” She had already pulled out her phone.

A large woman wearing peach scrubs walked into the room carrying a clipboard. “Donna, Luke, you guys can follow me,” she said before leading them into a comfortable office. A large oak desk sat in front of a huge bank of books. There were two red leather chairs and an inviting couch along the opposite wall. “Just have a seat, guys,” she said, motioning them into the room.

Luke sat on the couch, making sure there was plenty of room for his wife. She, however, chose to sit in the chair furthest from him. The intake clerk in peach scrubs flipped through her clipboard. “Terry will be in to see you guys in just a second.”

They sat in an uncomfortable silence. Rita thumbed her phone, never looking up at her husband. “I’m really hoping this makes a difference, Rita. I’m committed to seein’ this work between us,” Luke said, his voice cracking a little.

“Let’s just save it for the counselor,” she replied, never looking up.

It wasn’t long before a woman wearing a multicolored vest entered the room. She had brown curly hair that fell to her shoulders and wore her glasses low on her nose. In her hand, she carried a yellow legal pad. “Good afternoon, you two. My name is Terry Gershwin, and it’s nice to meet you both in person. I’ve spoken with Luke on the phone and gotten some background info and I am so thrilled you have chosen to put in the effort on your marriage.” Her voice was calming and sweet. 

Rita had put up her phone, but was giving Terry a suspicious look. “Let me ask you, how many marriages that come to you end up fallin’ apart anyway?” 

Terry smiled brightly. “That’s an excellent question. I’ve seen statistics as high as 98% effectiveness rate in terms of successfully keeping marriages together. From my own practice and research, I think that the real number is closer to around 70-75%. Nothing is a home run, of course. But, that still shows that for couples who put in the work, it can really pay dividends.”

Luke shot a hopeful smile toward his wife and then looked back toward Terry. “That sounds fantastic.”

Terry pulled out a pen. “Let’s get started, then. Rita, what do you love about your husband?” 

Luke could see that this was not the question his wife was expecting to start with. “Well, um, I guess he’s a good father. He provides a good life for us. He’s never hit me or run around on me that I know of.”

The therapist nodded. “That’s a great start. Now, you’ve listed some things that he ‘does.’ Try giving me some examples of things you love about the way he is.”

She finally looked over at her husband. “He’s sweet. Funny. Kind. He’s a good man.” Her voice cracked just a bit.

Terry shifted in her seat. “Luke, tell me what you love about Rita.”

He smiled, gazing at his wife. “The way she can find humor just about anywhere. She makes me feel like wherever we are is home, so long as we’re together. She gave me two amazing kids and I think we have a pretty great life. It’s not perfect, but nothin’ is. She’s the better part of me.”

Tears were welling up in Rita’s eyes as she listened. But just as soon as they formed, she forced them away with a shake of her head. She sniffed hard and wiped her eyes. 

“Rita, why are you fighting these emotions?” Terry asked, jotting something down on her pad.

She let out an exasperated sigh. “I mean, that’s sweet and all. But it don’t change the fact that he’s gone more than he’s home. And when he’s home, all he wants to do is sit around the house. Nothin’ gonna change.” 

Luke crossed his legs, uncomfortably. “I don’t know how many times we have to have this conversation, Rita. I’ve told you that I am more than willing to come off of the road.”

“Let’s pause here, Luke,” Terry said. “Rita, you seem resentful of Luke’s work. Let’s explore that. What is it about Luke being a truck driver do you not enjoy.”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Ugh, like everything!” she said exasperated. “He’s gone for weeks at a time. Leaves me alone to take care of the kids. I’m a single mother half the time at least.”

“And when he is home, how does that make you feel?” Terry asked.

Rita shifted in her seat. “Kinda cheated, I guess. He gets to go and do and see the country and I’m stuck here in Black Grass.”

Luke tried to jump in, but Terry put up a hand to keep him quiet. “Go on, Rita.”

“I just feel stuck at home all by my myself. And when he is there, he don’t wanna do nothin’. We ain’t taken but one vacation in like three years. He’s missed birthdays, holidays. And the kids treat him like a hero when he walks in the door because I have to be the mean one at home all the time.” She was working herself up as she went. Her cheeks were flush and there was a tightness in her forehead Luke could see from across the room. 

Terry jotted down a few more notes. “Thank you, Rita. Luke, I need you to listen to what Rita is saying and validate her concerns. Don’t try to ‘fix’ her problems. Just let her know that you hear her.”

He scrunched up his face. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

“Some men have a tendency to act as problem solvers. They want to take action. From our conversation, this is the tact you have taken in the past. And it has brought you here. I want you to take a different path. Look at Rita and tell her you understand that she is upset and will work to find a way to hopefully come together.” Terry’s voice was soft but direct. 

“Rita, you know I can switch to drive more local…”

“Luke!” Terry cut him off. “You’re problem-solving again. That’s not what we need right now.”

He took a deep breath and sat back on the couch, thinking. Finally, he found the words he thought might help. “I am sorry I am not there for you like you need me to be. I am sorry you feel alone. I understand you are not happy and I am willing to do what it takes to make this work.”

“Rita, how does that make you feel?” Terry asked.

She shook her head. “Fine, I guess. But it don’t matter. He’ll be gone again in a few days and I’ll be right back were I was.”

Terry looked down at her notes. “Luke, you just told Rita that you were willing to do anything to make this work. Does that include changing jobs?”

Luke nodded his head, trying to hide his annoyance. “I’ve been sayin’ that for months now.”

“Then how we gonna afford the boat and the side-by-side and the mortgage and all a that? How we gonna feed your kids?” Rita harped, matching his frustrated tone. 

Terry held up a hand, showing her palm to the couple. “Ok, ok. This seems to be a well rehearsed argument. Let’s go at it from another angle. Rita, what do you want out of life?”

“To be happy, I guess,” she said quickly. 

“And what makes you happy?” Terry asked.

She sat there for a minute, quietly. It surprised him she was actually taking this much effort to come up with an answer. “I love goin’ places. I love eatin’ at nice restaurants. I love takin’ my kids to the lake and lettin’ ‘em fish and swim.”

Luke nodded his head. “Sounds right,” he thought. 

“Now, what are you doing to achieve your bliss?” Terry chimed in.

Rita’s face pursed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Terry jotted something down. “What are you doing to make your life as meaningful and pleasant as possible on a daily basis? We all want to be happy, and there are various ways to define being happy. So, we as individuals must put in the work toward finding our own happiness. It isn’t fair to expect happiness to just land in your lap.”

Luke watched his wife try to take all of that in. He thought about what brought him happiness and if he was putting in the work himself and felt a little selfish that maybe he was happier than his wife.

“I-uh, I guess I’m not doing that work, am I?” she said. “How do I, what do I do to start?” 

Terry sat down her notebook. “We can start on that next time. If you both feel that there should be a next time. I would love to work with you both.”

He nodded and looked over to his wife. “I’m all in. Rita?”

She shrugged her shoulders and pulled a tissue out of her purse. “I guess,” she said, wiping her nose. 

“Wonderful!” Terry said. “Then, I have some homework for you. I want you both to make two lists: one list should have goals for yourself as an individual for things that make you happy. The other will be a list of goals for you both as a couple that will make you happy. This can be as simple as a date to Martha’s Diner all the way to a Caribbean Cruise. I don’t want to give too many examples, just things that will make you both happy.”

They both rose from their seats and Luke walked over to shake Terry’s hand. “Thank you so much,” he said as they all walked out the door. 

“Same time next week work for you two?” the young woman at the check-in desk asked as they walked past.

Luke looked over to his wife, who gave a halfhearted nod. “We will be here,” he said. 

In the parking lot, Luke walked Rita over to her car. “I appreciate you doing this. I know you don’t like talkin’ about stuff, but I think it will help.”

She reached up and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Me and the kids are havin’ Thanksgiving dinner with mom and daddy next Thursday at three. You should come.”

His face opened into a beaming grin. “Can I bring anything?” he asked.

“Pop. Water maybe. We’ve all had your cookin’ enough to know better than to ask for more than that,” she said, grinning for the first time today that Luke could remember. 

He closed her door and waved as she drove off. For the first time in months, he felt a sliver of hope.