In all things, strive for excellence, not perfection.

Perfection isn’t possible. It just isn’t. And anyone who expects perfection is doomed to never be satisfied. Excellence is attainable. It will be far from easy to get there. And it will take hours of hard work, discipline in your actions and behaviors, dedication to the task and forsaking other things in your life to achieve it. But it is there if you want it. You will never reach perfection. And neither will I. I’ll never cook a perfect meal or write the perfect story. You’ll never play the perfect game or perform the perfect concert. But we can reach excellence. I have spent countless amounts of time and energy trying to attain perfection in one aspect of my life or another over the years, only to realize that it will never be in my reach. And this is not to be critical of your efforts or mine. It is a warning that we should all set attainable goals. If my goal is “to be rich,” I’ll never get there. If my goal is “pay cash for a new SUV,” that is an attainable goal. Don’t strive for perfection; you’ll never get there. Reach for the top of the ladder instead. It’s not the stars, but it’s pretty damn high!

Be generous with your time, talent, money, and attention.

Giving is addictive. It’s the best feeling in the world. And I’m not talking about some big philanthropic check presentation that a corporation does more for marketing than the public good. I mean the simple act of being helpful to someone. Sure, it might be making a donation to a needy cause, but there is so much more you can do. You can teach. You can advocate. You can volunteer. You can clean. You can cook. You can just help. And these tiny acts of kindness will add up, believe me. The exhausted satisfaction of knowing that you’ve given your all for something greater than yourself is as good as you will ever feel. Work hard for yourself; make sure you and your family are well taken care of. But make sure that, no matter your circumstance, you save a little to give to those less fortunate. It’s like a salve for the soul.

Always forgive, and do your best to forget.

The folks in Eastern Kentucky know a thing or two about grudges. The Hatfield's and McCoy's are the most famous example. But we have probably a dozen or more famous feuds that lead to bloodshed across the region over the last 200 years or so. So we mountain folk know firsthand how dangerous it is not to forgive. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; we all mess up. It is human nature to fail now and then. When someone acts in a way that causes you harm, be it physical, mental or emotional, there are three things you need to do:

• Experience it

• Learn From It

• Move on

Even if it was done with malice, you should forgive them. This is not for their benefit, but for yours. If rebuilding the relationship with this person is possible, wonderful. If not, so be it. Some wounds are too deep and the scars too big, physical or otherwise. But holding on to this emotion is just as damaging to you as the initial slight. By forgiving them, you are letting go of this negative energy. And then, if you can, move forward together and forget about the past. Or, move forward alone and forget about the pain this person caused you. The important thing is to not hold on to the negativity and keep moving down the path.

Live life with integrity, doing what is right even when no one is looking.

Coach Bear Bryant once said that “It don’t cost nothin’ to be nice!” and that is probably true. But to truly live with integrity can cost you a lot. To have integrity, true moral fortitude, can cost you money. It can cost your friends. It will surly cost you opportunity. The universe will tempt you time and again with chances to make the wrong decision, and it’s all up to you how to react. Will you do the right thing and show integrity? Or will you falter and give in? The easiest way to live with integrity is to surround yourself with men and women who are already doing it. It’s hard to walk a dark path when all your friends are carrying lanterns. And, if these friends are true, they will grab you if you take a step or two in the wrong direction. Just as you would for them. Living with integrity is not easy. I once found a wallet in a parking lot with $300 cash inside. This was before the internet is as prevalent as today, so tracking folks down wasn’t as easy. But, I found him and returned his wallet. As a thank you, he gave me $100 for my trouble and wouldn’t take no for an answer. But we don’t do the right things in life in the hope of a reward. We do them because they are the right thing to do. Don’t forget that.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. And it’s all small stuff.

​Worrying is one of the biggest wastes of energy that we are all guilty of doing. It does absolutely no good, serves no purpose and solves no problems. And it doesn’t matter if the issue feels massive or if it’s just a minor inconvenience, it’s still, just a problem. It will work out, or it won’t. You can try to help it to go your way, but there are no guarantees. Worrying that it might go wrong for you doesn’t help anything and only makes you feel anxious about it. Instead of worrying, step back, take a deep breath and analyze the situation from a rational perspective. Are there solutions or avenues you have not considered that might lead to solving this problem? If so, fantastic. But feeding energy to worry is, at best, pointless, and, at worst, destructive. Try to be mindful that you are a limited resource, with only so much capacity and bandwidth to put out. Do you want to focus that energy on worrying about something that may or may not happen? Or would that energy be better spent on something positive and productive?

Learn to listen more than you talk.

When I was young, I remember hearing a lot of the old timers here in the hills of Central Appalachia say “Shut yer mouth and open yer ears!” It wasn’t like I was overly talkative or anything. It was just they knew all too well that you can’t learn anything if you’re running your mouth. Now, I’m not advocating that you become a wallflower and slink into the corner. Not by a long shot! What I am saying is take in as much information as you can before you give any of your own. Abraham Lincoln famously paraphrased a verse from Proverbs when he said “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” That is a funny little quip, but there is much truth in it. If we collect all the information that we can, reasonably speaking, before making a decision, we will be much more likely to make the best one for our current situation. Shooting off at the mouth and showing all of your cards before it’s time will lead to nothing in the long run. So, clam it up and listen!

You can never practice enough

Malcolm Gladwell famously developed a theory that no one is born to be great at a skill or craft; greatness is earned through determination and hard work according to the famous author. Do some of us have natural attributes that make us more suitable for one task over another? Sure! At 6’6, 265 lbs., I was built more for an offensive lineman on the gridiron of football than to be a jockey on the racetrack. Just being big didn’t automatically make me a good football player. (To be honest, I was a serviceable player on my best of days!) Greatness, according to Gladwell, comes from devoting YEARS to your craft. 10,000 hours is the magic amount he deduced to reach that rarefied plateau of greatness. But the secret sauce is that the best of the best never stop practicing. They never stop learning new techniques or methods in what they do. And this can be applied if you are an athlete, a business person, work in a trade or in the arts, etc. The more you hone your skills, the better you will be. Michael Jackson is the best basketball player to ever strap on a pair of shoes and this is a hill I will die on. And he was notorious to practice as much as he could. He never stopped trying to improve. Now, most of us will never be on the level of MJ, but we can continue to learn, to practice and to grow at the activities we love or the methods we make our living, right? So, let’s put in the work and keep walking!

Find a partner worthy of you

No one can go it alone all the time. We all need help and someone to walk the path with us. It doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic relationship, a business partner or your best friend, foster relationships that are meaningful, healthy and long-lasting. If someone is a user of your resources, be it physical, mental or emotional, without returning as much or more back, then you are in an unhealthy relationship and changes need to be made. It is so important that you find relationships where the two (or more) of you feel dependent on the other. But if you find that your happiness is reliant on their wants and needs and fluctuates based upon their emotional state, you may need to do some examining of you current situation. There is no better feeling than working with another to make something great. With a romantic partner, it could be a home, a child or even a whole family (however you want to define it!) With a business partner, you may invent the next great widget or build a better mousetrap. And you and your buddy might just make each other laugh. Find people you care about and who care about you, and foster those relationships. A true partner will be your strongest ally as you walk down the path.

Mistakes are a natural part of life

I mentioned before that you’re going to screw up. Let’s be honest, you already have several times, right? I can’t count the times I have, as a dad, as a husband, as an employee, and as a friend. The important thing is to own your mistakes. One of my biggest was when I was acting at the Children’s Theatre in Lexington, KY. I was in The Diary of Anne Frank, playing the man who hides the family in his attic. I was supposed to come on stage and climb some steps and tell everyone to be more quiet. As I entered the stage, I banged my head on a piece of the set, loudly. I stumbled downstage, and finally found the stairs. The moment my feet hit the second step, it crumbled beneath me, creating a cacophony of clattering. I fell onto the stage as the man playing Mr. Frank pulled me to my feet. He whispered in my ear that everything was fine. My line was “You must be more quiet,” which is ironic considering the racket I’d just made. But that’s not what I said. In my best East Kentucky accent, I blurt out “Y’all gotta quiet down!” At which point, the actor playing the dentist spews the milk he was drinking onto the first three rows of the audience. The entire crowd erupts into laughter, and I was mortified. I had just turned Anne Frank into a Gallagher show! Somehow I kept my job after this horrible performance. I tell you this just so you know that, no matter how badly you mess up in your life, I doubt it will be as bad as turning a serious play about the Holocaust into a slapstick comedy. So, keep your chin up. And keep walking.

If it’s free, you probably don’t want it

There’s an old saying that goes “There’s no such thing as a free lunch,” which just means that you can’t get anything of value for nothing in return. If someone offers to buy you lunch, they probably want to sell you something. When I was a kid, my parents would take me and my sister to Sam’s Club to do some bulk shopping. The best part of this for me was the free samples. Being the chubby chap that I was, I would gorge myself on the lukewarm little piggies in BBQ sauce, mini-quiches filled with dodgy meat products and VERY questionable seafood salad that was not properly refrigerated. At the time, I couldn’t believe that they were just giving this stuff away. I’m sure the profit margins on those products were outrageous and that’s why they were pushing them. Or they were so overstocked that the just had to get rid of them. Either way, it is a great marketing trick to get ol’ Tubby here to try some and ask Mom and Dad to buy a gallon of King Triton’s Seafood Salad. The point is that you need to learn the difference between price and value. Just because something is affordable doesn't mean that it is a worthy investment. On the other hand, expensive doesn't always mean better. I’m sure those little piggies were pretty low in price. But they were even lower in value. And after what King Triton did to my stomach, I know for a fact the only thing I valued after eating that stuff was a bottle of Pepto. The next stop on my path was the bathroom!

Believe in yourself, even when things seem hard or impossible to achieve

Tom Hanks says in one of my favorite movies a quote that has stayed with me for years. “If it were easy, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” That came to mind when I recently read an article by some neuroscientists that talks about what happens in the brain when we accomplish something truly difficult. When a person overcomes an immense obstacle, a physical mark, a literal line, forms in the brain. These lines offer greater pathways for connections and innovations in our brains. Amazingly, it is easier to form these marks younger in life, so the more challenges we face at an early age that we can overcome, the more dramatic an increase we make on our brains and the brains of our children. We need to be challenged. We need to try things that are hard. And when we climb those mountains, we have achieved something special. Determination and grit are learned skills, not something you are born with. Go find something hard that you’re not sure you can do…and do it! Sure, you might fail the first time. You might fail the first hundred. But that will make your eventual success that much more meaningful.

Respect and value yourself and others.

It is unfortunate that so many folks don’t take this lesson to heart. I have seen several individuals over the years that are selfless in their actions, but wouldn’t do the first thing to help their own situation. And it’s rare, but you will come across some that just don’t value anything or anyone but themselves. We have no control over how people treat themselves or others; we only control ourselves and the actions we take. Remember that everyone is usually doing their best in this world, and we all come up short from time to time . It may be a coach, a professor, a boss or a friend, but someone will disrespect you. Offer them grace and forgiveness. You may not think they deserve it, but it will make you a better person in the long run. Remember that every one of us has intrinsic worth and value. We all bring something different and special to the table and should be respected as an equal in that regard. After all, we are all walking this path together and need all the help we can get!

Always be honest and kind

You can call it the Golden Rule. You can call it karma. You can call it whatever you like, but we all kind of know on a cellular level that the energy we put out into the universe is going to come back to us. If the image you project to the world is that of an A-Hole, the world will return A-Hole energy to you. But, thank the good Lord, the inverse is also true. No, that is not to say that only good things happen to good people and vice versa. Not by a long shot. But I deal with a lot of people on a daily basis. And some of them are less than pleasant to interact with. And some might say the same about me. But I know that I want to keep working and will bend over backwards to help a kind, friendly person who is attempting to do something positive. And I won’t give a second thought to the guy with a crappy attitude or might be offering some shady deal. Intentions matter in every aspect of life, so if you walk though your existence with the goal of doing good and generally being helpful, you will find many more doors opening for you as you walk down the path.

Find a Path and Follow it

Life is about choices. There are countless chances to go right or left, up or down, every single day. Each choice is like a step down a path. And the choices you make determine where you wind up, who you travel with and what kind of person you are when you show up. When we’re young, most of us are lucky enough to have parents that walk the path with us, showing us where it’s safe to step and areas to avoid. Others, less privileged and less fortunate, blaze their own path with little to no help. Having a strong guide can be a tremendous asset on your journey. But there are no guarantees that you will arrive at your intended destination. Or that the best version of you is who will arrive. And you may find that the place you end up isn’t where you started for, but it was the right place in the end. Or, you can always keep walking the path. I wish I could give you a map; but we’re all traveling in different directions. What I will try to do is give you a list of “travel tips” that may be useful along the way. Some might be helpful, some not. But, they have helped me get this far. The way is long and the night is dark, but never forget that we are all just travelers, walking down the path.